I destroyed this cake on your birthday and realized my worth in your life is as pathetic as a penny. I’m returning your pity gifts and the food you fed me, it’s the least I can do with the least you ever did. I have your eyes but see my mother through them differently. She couldn’t even see me from the corner of hers because of your knuckles and gold rings. Do you notice your damage? Do you see me? Even in my dreams you don’t notice me. Growing up I tried to see the good in you to erase the monster I first met at 4, roaming the house in tighty whiteys. I’m accepting to see right through you now since it’s the only thing I can do with your complete absence…although the presence of your damage lives in objects at home, in my mother’s face and across town.
Daddy Issues is a video consisting of several performance pieces communicating my current relationship with my father along with trauma from my earliest, most vivid childhood memories, which is the separation of my parents. The child’s state of mind is prominent through the use of toys, food and sound effects to demonstrate the innocent, sugarcoated view I had towards toxic situations my father has put my family and I through, before confronting the reality of it all as an adult. Pixelated textures emphasize that I'm only able to see my father through computer pixels wiith deep Facebook searches. Growing up heavily consumed in my culture has allowed me to acknowledge both the good and bad of Latin American society. I’d notice that within other Latinx households, this pattern of domestic violence, racism and extreme machismo/toxic masculinity I was exposed to is normalized. These topics are addressed subliminally through clothing color schemes, text and song snippets as odes to Ecuadorian blackness and feminism.
My current relationship with my father along with childhood perceptions on things. Full video Dec. 2018.